Offspring

The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.
H. L. Mencken

Up until about 6 months ago I had a habit of saying to people with kids "Hey, how's your wife and offspring?". Usually this was meet with some degree of surprise or at least some degree of shock. The word offspring is usually reserved for animals, actually I think of an opossum when I say it. I am not really too sure what made me use that expression in the first place but I enjoyed the reaction it got from people so I kept using it. No one ever really asked me to stop calling their kids baby opossums nor did they say they were offended. I guess it was kind of humorous to the parent opossum as well.
With the birth of our daughter I have stopped posing this question. It is kind of insulting and a little bit on the obnoxious side. I have also begun to question a lot of my own pre-parenthood beliefs about: breastfeeding in public (only in an emergency), kids out to dinner (depends on the kid, and the parents), kids on airplanes (still am not a fan but can see the need a little bit better now)and kids throwing tantrums (I haven't experienced this yet but I am more forgiving to those parents who have to deal with it).
I guess you could say that I am losing the eyes of a single person and gaining the eyes of a father. These eyes take some time and patience to develop. I won't see as clearly as a father with more experience but with time they will improve. I will begin to understand what my parents went through, what other parents go through. More importantly I will begin to sympathize with other parents out there, alone, trying to deal with a screaming, kicking, crying child without losing their minds.
Hopefully, I can avoid those people who don't see through a parent's eyes. Maybe someone, somewhere won't glare at me when my daughter cries in church, throws food at a restaurant or screams on the whole flight from Boston to Las Vegas. Maybe.

Friends with kids

It's the friends you can call up at four a.m. that matter.

Marlene Dietrich (1901 - 1992)

I am sure that you have those friends who have kids and are always explaining everything to you about how wonderful it is to have kids. At least that is the first comment, it then is followed by one or several negatives about having kids.
I never fully grasped this before but it's is becoming clearer to me know...all our friends with kids have developed the same attention span that their kids have. They can not stay focused on a task any longer than their oldest child can. I suppose it won't be too long before I am dispensing sage advice to new parents myself, after all I enjoy nothing more than carrying on age old traditions.
Our friends with kids have been great about sharing advice, never too pushy, never too preachy, they always act like they are sharing information with us rather than telling us what to do.
Hopefully, when people come to me for advice I can remember how it feels to be told something as opposed to being preached to as opposed to being talked to. There is a definite difference, a notable difference and a profound difference between the three.
Being a new parent requires a lot of skills that will be different and new. I am hoping that I'm going to the right places to get the information and once I have the information I apply it correctly. That is one of my reasons for writing this blog, to reach other parents and to gather advice from them. After all, isn't it the responsibility of society to help raise each child?

Always looking ahead

The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.
Albert Einstein

As the days begin to blur due to anxiety, lack of sleep and the overwhelming changes that are constantly occurring in our lives I find that I am falling into the trap that a lot of people fall into. I am beginning to miss out on the present moment, I am waiting for the next milestone, looking for it to happen, waiting for it to get here. I am spending so much energy looking for the next moment that I am missing the moments that are happening right in front of me.
Our baby is like a little sponge, slowly soaking up everything. Every minute she's doing something, learning something new, experiencing something for the first time. As the saying goes, You never get a second chance at a first impression. This is too true with my daughter. We only get one shot at experiencing all the firsts that she is going to have.
To stay focused on the present moment is my new mantra, what happens in the future will have to wait until we get there.

Time to go home

By nature, men are nearly alike; by practice, they get to be wide apart.
Confucius, The Confucian Analects

The more things change the more they stay the same (I think Cinderella said that). The time we spent in the hospital was great, the staff was awesome, and the care my wife and daughter received was top-notch. With that being said there is no place like home, there's no place like home, There's no place like home (Dorothy, Wizard of Oz).
The first trip in the car with this new little person couldn't of been any different than the drive to the hospital. Every speed limit was obeyed, every bump or pothole was avoided. Nothing was going to prevent me from my task of getting my wife and newborn baby home in one piece.
It is too strange to consider how much the last three days have changed, and of course will continue to change, my life. Our baby is finally here, we are no longer expectant parents, we are parents. I am someone's' Dad, that is a scary thing for me to think about, much less for me to say. This tiny little person can't do anything without input from my wife or I. We have been given this enormous gift but with this gift comes an equally large responsibility. Everything that we do she will try to copy, at least for the first few years. We will all make mistakes, that's a part of life. Now I need to make sure that my mistakes aren't so great that they hurt my family. My life is no longer my own. There is no more selfishness allowed, everything I do now needs to be thought through and discussed and decided on based on what's best for our family. I have never really thought like that before. Up until now pretty much everything has been about me but that has to change or my family could be adversely affected.
When my wife and I decided to become parents we talked about the hopes and dreams we will have for our child. Part of the work is finished but most of it hasn't even begun. It is going to be interesting to see how far my daughter can go as she begins her journey into this life.

Football Sunday

The more things change, the more they stay the same (I think Cinderella said that).
Well today was the first day that we are officially parents, the first full 24 hours.
Breastfeeding issues, bathing problems, learning (or re-learning) to change diapers are the main obstacles of the day. The nice thing about newborns is that they sleep almost all the time, at least that's pretty much all that she's been doing since she was born. She does occasionally awaken but that is usually only to eat, so it's not too hard to figure out what she needs when she starts to cry.
I, like a lot of males in America, enjoy watching football on Sundays. My wife, like a lot of females in America, can really take or leave the whole football thing. Being as we are still in the hospital and still learning about being parents it seemed strange to me that at 1pm on Sunday my brain knew it was time to watch some football. It would stand to reason that with everything going on, all the changes that have happened in the last 19 hours, football would not really concern me too much. However, it is really amazing how hard the brain works to always trying to retain or regain the comfort zone.
My comfort zone is pretty small, any kind of change and I am easily outside my it. The birth of our daughter is probably the second largest change in my life, it may well be the first as my wedding becomes more and more a part of my past.
The nice thing about comfort zones is that, if we let them, they can be fairly flexible things. If we allow it, the changes can be incorporated into our daily routines and slowly our comfort zone enlarges enough to absorb the new things. Although I don't currently possess the most flexible of comfort zones I think my daughter is the one who is going to guide me along the path of acceptance of new and exciting changes....

8:55pm

Well, she's here....finally. After nine months of planning, stressing, anxiety and insecurity the little person who has been growing inside of my wife has finally decided that December 10, 2005 is the day to be born. About two weeks early, tipping the scales at a respectable 7.0lbs and 19.5". Not too small and not too large, as Goldilocks would say "she's just right."
There are so many feelings to describe, so many emotions to uncover and not enough time to get to them all. Today has been a roller coaster of sorts, excitement, boredom, back to excitement and then finally exhaustion. Now remember these are my feelings, my wife probably had a few less of the excitement and a few more of the exhaustion.
The nurses, especially Emily who was there when my wife gave birth, were really amazing. The blend of caring and expertise that they showed during the whole birthing process really showed the kind of people they are. I hope that one day I can be as good at my job as they are at theirs.
There is nothing in the world that I would be willing to exchange this experience for. Just being able to be there while this was happening was enough of an experience but to actually feel as though I was a part of it made it all the more special. Now before anyone gets their feminist radar fired up, I know that I didn't give birth. I know that I couldn't give birth, I would of opted for a scheduled caesarian with whatever knock-out gas that is available. But I just felt it from my wife that she needed me in there with her. Even though all I did was hold her hand and occasionally kiss her forehead, those small gestures let her know that I was watching out for her and let her concentrate on getting our daughter into the world.
Now I know that a lot of fathers-to-be are worried about seeing the blood or that they will pass out or that their wives are going to be in too much pain. For me I was worried that I wouldn't make it because my wife would become some other person. During our childbirth classes I had one thought burned into my brain over and over again. My wife was going to become this snarling, curing, angry, spiteful woman once the birthing process started. Thankfully, this image was totally off base. My wife was the same person that she always is, she never cursed or screamed "You did this to me!!" like I had seen in a few thousand movies and TV shows. She was in pain, that was obvious, but she also had this amazing air of calmness about her. Whenever I felt anxious about her being in pain or the amount of blood or whatever else I may of been anxious about all I had to do was look into my wife's eyes and I just knew that everything was going to be okay.
Looking at this perfect blend of my wife and I is just so amazing. All the anxiety about everything melted away once she was placed on my wife's tummy. To be able to see your baby open her eyes for the first time and to look at your wife as she sees the baby for the first time, those are the moments in life that make everything else worth it.

7:09am

"I think my water broke..." that's the first thing I hear as I wake up this morning. What does she mean she thinks? Aren't women genetically programmed to KNOW when these things happen? As I leap from bed my mind is all ready spinning with ways to solve this issue, except that this is all happening about two weeks ahead of schedule. Thankfully I did pack a bag and who can remember what I put in there but it's going to have to do.
My wife, Kelly, thinks it's too early to call the doctor...too early to let the doctor know that the birthing process has begun. Naturally, I totally disagree and insist that the doctor needs to be let in on our little secret. If I know about it then he should certainly know about it.
The house is all abuzz with nervous energy and the dog doesn't like the feeling at all. Barking, crying and needing attention my brave guard dog needs me to comfort him and let him know that everything in all of our lives are not about to change forever. I can't explain to my four legged buddy that everything is going to be okay, he's still going to be loved and taken care of just like he was before. Of course, this is not true. Everyone who has had a dog without kids knows that the dog is treated like your first kid...until your real first human kid comes along. Sadly, I can't allow the dog to slow down my anxiety train...the next stop is going to be the maternity ward at the Concord hospital or so I think.
The doctor calls my wife and tells her to try to get to the hospital as soon as possible. As soon as possible, at least to me, means we need to be leaving now. As soon as possible to my wife means we should get going after she has a shower and eaten breakfast. I am not too sure how that became her version of as soon as possible but if she isn't going to be nervous then what point is there in my being nervous?
The only thing that I need to do in the birthing process, the only thing that any Dad needs to do actually, is get the mom-to-be to the hospital, birthing center or midwife before the baby is born in the backseat of our car. Once we are in the car it becomes my turn to be in control, a small part of this day that I have some control over. The drive to the hospital is 15 minutes, a casual, easy drive from our house. Of course today everyone who wants to obey every speed limit, stop sign and crosswalk is going to be in front of us. The only vision that I have is recurring and scary...and not one that I really want to happen. There is no way that I am going to be delivering this baby in the back seat of our car. As I cross over the double yellow lines and pass the first of several too law abiding citizens I begin to realize that this is actually happening, the baby is coming and we are going to be three instead of two. Nine months of planning, waiting, anticipating and worrying are all coming together at this one point in time. Other people are going about their normal days, totally unaware that my world is about to change and it will never ever be the same as it was just yesterday.

She's on her way.....

Welcome to my blog...
The main goal of this blog will be to chronicle my journey through the new world of parenthood. My first daughter, and first child, is due on December 22, 2005. Two more weeks and I am going to be a dad and I hope to write everything that happens during this upcoming phase of life....

A few rules about how I plan to do this blog...
1) I am not a professional blogger (if there is such a thing), I am a father-to-be, a husband, an air traffic controller and a fairly nice guy. There are going to be some mistakes made while I progress into the blog, as I am sure there will be some mistakes as I progress into the world of parenthood.
2) Comments are not only expected they are welcome. I hope that someone is going to read this, maybe someone who is behind me in this process or maybe someone who is right where I am or maybe someone who thinks my writing is really funny (or really poor) and they can't wait to see what I write next.
3) Please do not expect anything more than my perspective, insights and feelings as you peruse this blog and take this journey with me. I am not an expert on parenting so what I do and what I feel should not be taken as advice, if you take my musings as advice you may want to really make sure that you agree with what I am saying because at the end of the day your decisions are your own and I am not making any decisions for you.