Leaping to new heights

All things must change to something new, to something strange.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow





Well that certainly didn't last too long. As you may recall in yesterday's post I was excited that our daughter was beginning to sleep through the night. Last night Samantha reminded us not to look too deeply into each day and try to project it onto the next day. Last night she was awake almost every hour to eat, she was awake constantly and I would be surprised if any of us got more than a total of three hours of sleep. Babies are like that I guess...they control everything and my wife and I really are just along for the ride.
When our baby was still in the hospital they gave her the first bath, they also gave her a second bath while she was in the hospital. Samantha hated having to take a bath, she screamed from the minute it started until the time it was done. Once we got her home it was pretty much the same reaction to bathtime. Nothing we did made the bath more pleasant for her, the water could be hotter, no relief, colder water didn't help either. It just seemed that our daughter was going to be a bath hater and every bath time was going to be a battle. During the seven weeks and probably 20 baths our daughter has slowly begun to not hate the bath so much. Recently, probably over the last two weeks, baby bath time has actually started to become one of the more enjoyable experiences of our day. Our daughter laughs and smiles during bath time and now seems like she really enjoys it.
My dad once told me that you should strive to learn something new everyday. If you haven't learned something then you missed an opportunity. What I hope that I learned from the bath experience is that my daughter is setting her own schedule, learning what she likes and doesn't like as she progresses through her life. Our daughter is learning a lot more than one new thing a day, she is probably learning something new every five minutes. Things that she doesn't like are very capable of changing, at being altered as she gains more insight into the world that we all are a part of. As my wife and I are the biggest influence on her now, I hope that I have learned enough in my life to help my daughter as she begins her life.

Sleepless no more

The reproduction of mankind is a great marvel and mystery. Had God consulted me in the matter, I should have advised him to continue the generation of the species by fashioning them out of clay.
Martin Luther



Babies do not sleep. That is the main conclusion I have come to since becoming a dad. I mean they sleep but they sleep when they want to no matter how it affects anyone else. Our daughter wakes up every 2 and a half to three hours to eat. This schedule makes sleep, at least when my wife and I want to sleep, nearly impossible. So when Samantha slept from 11pm to 4:30am last night it was with great relief, enthusiasm and excitement. That was the longest stretch my wife has been without a baby since conception and it was certainly nice for her.
Since we started this journey into parenthood we have been faced with a few challenges, a few successes, a few things we don't plan on doing ever again and a fair amount of lessons learned. From what we have seen, read and been told there is no certain way to get babies to sleep when the adults want them too. Babies have their own clocks and they obey those clocks without care if it's night or day or you're in Church or at the doctor's office or in the supermarket. Before we had our daughter I never grasped why women would breast feed in a public place, it seemed they should try to find a private locale and then feed at will. As I just said above, babies clocks don't allow for the delay in getting something to eat just as they don't allow for too many adjustments to their sleep schedule.
In one of the parenting books we read it stated quite clearly that one of the worst things you can do is to try to force a baby onto a rigid sleep schedule. Never wake up a sleeping baby or you'll get an overtired baby who won't be able to sleep and will be very cranky on top of it all! Not a scenario that my wife or I are in any rush to have happen in our home. Believe it or don't believe it, it was scary enough for me to pay close attention to.
This too shall pass is the mantra that most experienced parents seem to live by. As you have read in previous posts, sometimes I try to rush through the days to reach the next milestone. I am doing my best not to rush and I am not hoping that anything passes too quickly. I think I will take a different mantra, everything happens for a reason and will move along at its own pace.

La Bambina Just Smiled

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile....

Smile by Nat King Cole, 1954

Well Samantha turned seven weeks old yesterday. I'm sure it's not such a big deal in the overall scheme of her life but the changes in her over this time are pretty amazing.
Our daughter is smiling, not the smile of a baby with gas or a baby who is pooping. She is smiling in reaction to things that are making her happy, the sound of her mom's voice, being held, or being sung too. From my perspective this really is, along with focusing her eyes, the beginning of her becoming a little person. The interactive nature of this little change in facial gestures certainly makes her seem more human, more like a little person rather than a tiny little noise machine.
This is probaby one of those milestones that doesn't really stay with you as long as some of the really big moments in a baby's life. First steps, first words, first time on the potty...those are the milestones that people always talk about, the ones they really remember.
For us, our baby smiling allows us to begin to discover what she likes and what she doesn't llike. What makes her happy and what makes her sad. It is also the first bit of commuincation, other than crying, that we have been able to share with her. When she smiles, we smile and most of the time now when we smile at her she smiles back. Communication between people takes so many forms, most communication is not verbal.
It seems like a waste to try to rush her along the path towards adulthood. Everyday she is becoming a little smarter, a little easier to commuincate with. It makes me wonder how much of her communication cues we miss because we just don't understand them. I guess it really does boil down to what my dad always told me, to listen to someone requires more than just hearing their words. In this case we need to focus on Samantha's face, her hand motions and her body language to try to ascertain what she is saying. Smiling is a very big indicator towards how she feels and not one that we should be ignoring.
As parents we should be able to pause those moments in our kids lives that mean something. The really important moments so that there is no chance we miss them. This would be one of the moments that I would pause....even if just for a few days because I don't want to miss it and I sure don't want to forget it.

Sick Day

On this date in 1986, the space shuttle Challenger exploded 73 seconds after liftoff from Cape Canaveral, killing all seven onboard. I mention this disaster today because it's important to realize how each of us can affect the lives of all of those around us. I don't usually get too wrapped up in these type of events but for some reason this "disaster" really affected me. Actually, this was the saddest thing I remember happening in my lifetime, except for September 11, 2001. Should this really be considered a disaster or was it more of a tragic accident? Something that was preventable if someone did the right thing along the way?
Well I got to see my daughter for about and hour today...I worked until three then slept and went back to work at 10:30pm. That kinda sucked but what are you going to do? You can peruse some of the other blogs to get my opinion on my job and I am in no mood to delve into that again.
One thing I will say now that I am back intermingling with the general public is that it really amazes me how selfish and inconsiderate a lot of my fellow human beings are. I guess I never really noticed it before but I sure do notice it now!
People come to work, hacking, coughing, sneezing and who knows what else with who knows what kind of ailments. We all get sick days, perhaps we should be using them when we are actually sick....I understand this is a crazy concept but if you stay home when you're sick then you don't get me sick and I may have some compassion for you if and when I get sick. With my job I share everything, except for my headset, with everyone else who works here. Everything they touch I have to touch, everytime they cough or spew all over is something I am going to be using 40 minutes later.
All the child care books say that my baby is going to get certain antibodies from my wife's breast milk. Things to help them avoid getting sick, my concern is that if my wife is staying home where is she getting exposed to the germs to develop the antibodies that are then going into our daughter? Short answer is, she is going to be exposed to these germs through contact with me. I have all ready invested a small fortune in different purell type hand sanitizers and am seriously considering changing clothes in my garage so I don't bring anything into the house from work. I am not trying to shelter the baby from everything, I understand that eventually she is going to get a cold or God forbid something much worse but it sure would be nice if she can stay illness free for as long as is possible.
Consider this a personal favor to me, if you are sick please stay home. You never know if that person you're hacking on has someone at home that is too small to successfully fend off a cold.

Alone time

Today was the big day, I guess I should say today was another big day. My wife went to the doctor and I was in charge of the baby, by myself, for the first time. There was no one to hand her to if she began to cry too much or to feed her or to change her. Everything that she needed for two hours was only going to be handled by one person,me.
My wife has been doing the solo act, on and off, for about two weeks because I occasionally went into work or the supermarket. She has all the tools necessary to satisfy the baby, not to mention the bonding between the two of them that has occurred over these last six weeks. Breastfeeding is certainly a great thing for mom and baby but it eliminates me from being able to share in the bonding process with our daughter. I have read the books and have heard about being able to bond in other ways, diaper changing, holding, cuddling or singing to her. None of these can come close to the bond that happens between mom and baby while feeding.
I am not trying to complain, being able to sleep all night while my wife feeds our child every three hours is really nice. It just seems that by missing out on this bond I am falling further behind in the process of getting to know our daughter and her getting to know me. This puts me at a disadvantage when I am going to watch her by myself. Or so I thought...
Once my wife left I almost picked my daughter up because she began to get fussy. The only thing that I do that my wife chooses not to is carry our daughter around in a football hold. She likes being held that way and it really seems to calm her down. Within two minutes she was fast asleep, a sleep that she would stay in until about five minutes before my wife got home. Although the last five minutes seem to last as long as the preceding 1+55 minutes we all made it through this milestone unscathed.
Will I be as lucky the next time my wife needs to go out without the baby? Probably not and the same doubts that I have about my abilities to care for our daughter, alone, will creep back into my mind. So far my wife and I are making a pretty good team. Two against one seems to be the best defense but as any football fan knows sometimes man to man is necessary.
This will just be like everything else though, becoming a dad takes practice, commitment and dedication. It doesn't require me to replace my wife, it only requires me to stand in occasionally...

Back to wherever you came from

On January 25, 1837 the state of Michigan joined the United States of America forever changing how the world would view this country. On Jauary 25, 2006 my daughter Samantha continues to change how I view my work, my life and most certainly my future.
Today was a day that I have been dreading for the past 6 weeks, returning to work full-time. While my wife was pregnant I never gave much thought to going to work, she was still my wife and could take care of herself, she was just a bigger version. Now that our daughter is in the picture, my perception of leaving them alone has really changed. Even though my wife handles most of the day to day, hands-on nurturing of our daughter I still play a pretty important role (at least in my mind). A wise old man told me that if I take care of my wife so she can take care of the baby things will run smoothly. Usually, wise old men turn out to be less than wise, they are just old. In this instance, this bit of advice actually worked out quite well for our family unit.
With me doing all the cooking, all the cleaning (thankful I bought "my wife" a roomba in late November), all the shopping, and all the laundry my wife could focus on doing the most important thing in the house, caring for our daughter. I can always leave the laundry for tomorrow or grab take-out Chinese for dinner but my wife is on call 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. She doesn't get any real breaks, she is always ready to take care of the baby, feeding her or just interacting with her. The funny thing is that although she's working twice as hard as me, I am the one who seems to get cranky and tired. That's why I dread returning to work.
With me out of the house my wife is going to feel obligated to begin "pulling her own weight around here" which to her means doing all the cooking, cleaning, shopping and caring of the baby. If she wasn't tired before she certainly is going to be getting pretty tired trying to accomplish all of the tasks that keep the house running. Some of the tired and cranky she is going to experience is going to filter out of her and wind up on the baby....kind of like a leaking cup of coffee.
Some of the tasks I am happy that she is going to begin doing again...cleaning cat poop pans for instance. I have never had a cat before marriage, never wanted one really but now we have three poop pans that need cleaned and they need cleaned pretty regularly. When my wife first told me that she was out of the poop pan business I was okay with the descision because it was a small part for me to play in the pregnancy experience. After about three weeks I had enough...cat poop pans and the job of cleaning them is one of the foulest things I can imagine having to do on a daily basis. Give me a baby with poop in her diaper anyday. I made it the ten months and all the cats survived but I do not look forward to having to resume this duty again anytime in the future.
Returning to work and missing out on the things that are happening with my daughter are just the way things are. My job is to make sure that my wife is warm, dry and has enough to eat so she can continue to raise our daughter the best way she can. Keeping that small fact in mind enables me to get through the eight hour workday.

Keeping your eye on the prize

In your eyes

Accepting all I’ve done and said
I want to stand and stare again
Til there’s nothing left out, oh
It remains there in your eyes
Whatever comes and goes
I will hear your silent call
I will touch this tender wall
Til I know I’m home again
Ooh

In your eyes (in your eyes)
In your eyes (in your eyes)
In your eyes (in your eyes)
In your eyes


Peter Gabriel

If you didn't know her you would never of noticed the change. If you had only seen her once or twice the change was also probably not detected. My wife and I noticed immediately. Our daughter, whose eyes have only seemed like reflecting mirrors, began focusing on objects, people and animals today. When you talk to her you can look into her eyes and see, for the first time in her young life, that there is something going on inside her brain. Slowly, she is beginning to figure things out, to learn, to begin to think.
As her mom talks to me our daughter turns her head to look at her, trying to find her, hoping to see her mom and feel the connection that they share. Our daughter looks in the direction of the dog when he barks, trying to understand what that noise means and if she needs to be afraid or not
This entire process is truly amazing to me. Perhaps I personalize her too much but I can try to figure out what she must be thinking. Seeing everything in her world for the first time, soaking in everything that she can, remembering which face goes with mom and which face goes with dad.
I envy her newness, her innocence and her ability to learn. Hopefully, she will keep these traits for just a while longer.

Stay hidden

On this date in 1972 a Japanese soldier, Shoichi Yokoi, was discovered in Guam, having spent 28 years hiding in the jungle thinking World War II was still going on.
Sometimes, even with all evidence to the contrary, we believe what we know to be right in our hearts. Although the world around us is in a constant state of change if we believe something hard enough it will become our reality. Mr. Yokoi really believed that he was still fighting, almost 26 years after the war had ended. He was still crawling around, hiding, trying not to become a POW. He survived on a diet of coconuts, breadfruit, papayas, snails, eels and rats. Basically, he spent his youth, his early adulthood, and middle adulthood living in his own fantasyland. By the time he was freed from this fantasy he was an old man, a whole life seemingly wasted yet he found himself to be successful. "We Japanese soldiers were told to prefer death to the disgrace of getting captured alive," Yokoi said in 1972. "The only thing that gave me the strength and will to survive was my faith in myself and that as a soldier of Japan, it was not a disgrace to continue on living," He never had children, never had a family, lived alone in a rat hole type cave in the jungles of Guam yet he feels he had a successful life.
I really believe that all parents have a right to hope for that from their kids...that the kids go out and have a successful life. Unfortunately, the parents don't get to decide what makes up a successful life. This is a real challenge for most people, we as adults except a certain amount of respect and adherence to our directions from our children. At least I anticipate expecting that once she is old enough to comprehend my directions. The reality is that our children are going to learn by watching us, by watching TV, movies, internet, video games, friends and countless other ways. All of these influences are inevitably going to shape what our children think of as success. Do you want your kids looking at Britney Spears and thinking that she has a successful life? How about george bush? Gandhi? Bono? Socrates? Ian McEwan? All of these people are thought of as successful by someone although you and I may disagree. How will you react if your children decide to emulate someone you find repulsive? We may be able to convince ourselves that our kids are doing what we want them to do, we can really, truly believe it....even if we are the only ones who can see it.
Would Mr. Yokoi's parents think he lived a successful life? Would you think that his life was successful if he was your child? Hopefully, whatever my daughter decides constitutes a successful life I will be able to agree.